SYSTEMIC & TRAUMA-INFORMED COUPLES THERAPY
01 · COUPLES
When everything between you
“works".
Except the ease of being together.
Today, a partnership is expected to be many things at once: intimate, a friendship, physically close, a space for parenting, supportive of two careers, and often professionally intertwined as well.
Holding all of this at once is demanding and has changed the conditions in which relationships unfold.
01 · WHAT FOR
Your relationship
is too valuable
to simply
let it run in
the background.
I see systemic, trauma informed couples therapy as an intentionally chosen space for your relationship. Even when much of your life looks like it’s working from the outside and you may already have tried many things.
You don’t need to have reached a particular point of crisis. It’s enough to sense: The way we experience each other isn’t how we want things to stay.
REQUEST A STARTING POINT CONVERSATION↗
02 · DISTANZ OHNE DRAMA
Maybe you find yourselves arguing about the same things again and again. Conversations turn, one of you shuts down, the other gets louder. Hurts linger between you longer than either of you would like.
Maybe things between you have grown much quieter. Your life runs smoothly, and you work really well as a team. You just find yourselves meeting each other as a couple less and less often.
Some couples come because a crisis can no longer be ignored. Others because they sense that closeness is slipping away almost unnoticed.
And some already understand a great deal about themselves, their history, and the patterns between them. Yet when it matters most, they find themselves caught in the same loop again and again.
You’ve known the problem for a long time. But you can no longer reach each other within it.
The deep longing for oneself.
What happens between you. And how it relates to each of you.
In many relationships, distance often begins with something small: a forgotten agreement, an unfinished task, a remark that lands differently than intended. Beneath the surface, often unconsciously, something much deeper is at play: respect, appreciation, and the question of how much we matter to each other.
In moments like these, experiences that predate your relationship often come into play: feeling overlooked, being left alone with your needs, having to fight for attention or to be taken seriously. Your partner can then become the focus of a longing that has been there for a long time:
“If you would finally behave differently, I could finally feel differently.”
Sometimes, something really does change as a result, at least for a while. Yet the old vulnerability resurfaces elsewhere. In a different situation, in response to another remark that touches something within you.
In my work with couples, we explore together how moments like these arise between you.
- What exactly does your partner’s behavior trigger in you?
- What meaning do you give to what your partner does or doesn’t do?
- How do you respond, and how does your partner respond in turn?
A familiar dynamic often takes shape: One person feels hurt, becomes accusatory, or withdraws. The other feels attacked, becomes defensive, or shuts down. Eventually, both feel powerless.
And all of these things can be true at once: an agreement was broken, the behavior touches an old vulnerability, and together, you both shape the particular dynamic between you.
Recognizing yourself within the relationship means rediscovering your own agency.
Beneath many conflicts lies a deeper longing: to be seen, to matter, to feel safe, valued, or worthy of love.
Perhaps, in our relationships with others, we sometimes seek something we struggle to access in our relationship with ourselves.
The longing for oneself.
Change can begin as you come to understand your own experience more deeply: recognizing why certain situations affect you so strongly, which experiences and beliefs are at play, what needs lie beneath them, and how you continue to shape your own experience.
And where you begin to relate to your own vulnerability differently. To acknowledge it without being entirely defined by it. Even when you can still feel it.
In our work together, I invite you to
- recognize your familiar patterns,
- better understand your own responses
- and discover new ways of relating to yourselves and each other.
Even as you begin to explore your familiar patterns and develop a different relationship with your own experience, the dynamic between you can begin to shift.
A deeper understanding of yourselves and each other. More choices in how you respond to what moves you. Greater agency in shaping the relationship you want to create together.
The complexity of life remains. How you respond to it can change.
03 · WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK
Seeking support for your relationship can touch on many of the beliefs we hold about how relationships are supposed to work.
· We should be able to work this out on our own · Maybe I’m just too sensitive · We have everything we wanted, don’t we · What if I’m the only one who has a problem with it · Can I talk about our relationship if my partner isn’t there · Maybe this is normal after so many years · Some things should stay between us · I can’t tell anyone about this · What if it only makes things worse ·
04 · WORKING TOGETHER
In person in Stade.
Online everywhere.
What brings you here has room to unfold.
Our work together extends beyond the time we spend in conversation. What we explore together needs space to settle and become integrated.
You can come together or on your own if you want to explore your relationship for yourself first.
45 min · €115
60 min · €155
75 min · €185
100 min · €255
On request
For two or more people, more intensive formats ranging from half a day to a full weekend are also available.
05 · DURATION
Not knowing is one of my guiding principles. So my answer to the question of how long it will take is, “I don’t know.” Unsatisfying. I know.
I meet you with an open mind, ready to explore together what brings you here, what becomes important as our work unfolds, and what you need.
Sometimes, three sessions are enough to find clarity around a specific question. For example, if you’ve already decided to separate and want to explore how you’d like to navigate that process.
Sometimes, our work begins with one person, and their partner joins us later.
Perhaps you come because you’re unsure where you stand with each other. After five sessions together, you might take a break for weeks or even months before returning.
Or perhaps your circumstances make regular couple sessions difficult, and you’d prefer to set aside two consecutive days for each other right from the start.
You don’t need to commit to a longer process from the outset. We shape the process togetherand as we go along, you decide again and again what you need and how long you’d like to continue working with me.
06 · BEGINNING
Your first step:
Let’s create a
sense of direction together.
“Pausing in the Fog”: In the Starting Point Conversation, we take time to look more closely at what brings you here, sort through the most important questions, and begin to map out what matters to you. This can help create a clearer sense of which next steps might make sense for you. At the same time, we get to know each other and develop a sense of whether we can imagine continuing to work together.
I work bilingually in German and English, online and in my space in Stade. Weekends, too.
ZUKUNFTSMOMENT is less than an hour’s drive from Hamburg’s Elbe suburbs (Blankenese, Othmarschen, Nienstedten, Rissen) and western Hamburg (Altona, Bahrenfeld, Eidelstedt).
From southern Hamburg, the Harburg district, Lüneburg, and Bremen, the drive takes about 75 to 90 minutes.
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